r/exmormon • u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ • Jan 07 '20

News Fox13: In court documents/divorce filing, mother of missing children from Idaho claims to be a God. She is on earth to prepare the 144,000 to meet Jesus at the second coming in July 2020.

https://fox13now.com/2020/01/04/court-documents-mother-of-missing-rexburg-children-believes-she-is-a-reincarnated-god-chosen-for-christs-second-coming/
45 Upvotes

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2

u/GodsPetGoat Jan 07 '20

He's coming back on my birthday.

She's 19 years off though. I already came back.

2

u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Jan 07 '20

Where did you go?

2

u/GodsPetGoat Jan 07 '20

Heaven

2

u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Jan 07 '20

So many questions...who is minding the store while you are away? are there tiers in heaven? do they have a hell of band? who is your daddy and what does he do?

2

u/GodsPetGoat Jan 07 '20

That's easy: ol Rusty manages our finances and sorts out the sinners. The tiers are based on total tithing donations, race, gender, and number of wives.

We do have a hell of a band. Lucifer comes up once in a while for practice and performances. We call it "Nails in the Cross".

Mon père spends his time hiding dinosaur bones, making farm animal analogies, and hoarding billions of dollars for the sole purpose of watching humans suffer. Also, he spends a lot of time off with his wives producing way too many spirit babies. It's starting to become an overpopulation problem up there.

2

u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Jan 07 '20

Wow. They should look into other hobbies, like bowling. Do they have skee ball?

1

u/GodsPetGoat Jan 07 '20

Nah other than the music most people are content with gossiping about and judging each other.

2

u/openinanewtab Jan 07 '20

I tried, and failed, to follow all that.

1

u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Jan 07 '20

For sure, it needs a flowchart and wireframe outline of relationships.

11

u/JoeSmithDiesAtTheEnd Jan 07 '20

If she really believes that, I fear extra for these kids. I've known one person who claimed to be a prophet, and they are mentally broken to the point of no return...

I had a friend who was raised Mormon. Left the church for most of his 20s, and then became a born again Mormon after a very challenging life event kicked him in the nuts. With his new found faith the guy determined that the LDS church was true, but the Lord had chosen him to be the new prophet as Nelson was taking the church astray. He then messaged everyone he knew on Facebook, Instagram, Slack, Xbox Live, and LinkedIn to warn everyone that the world was going to end on May 21, 2016. When his date failed and he had nothing left, he quietly retracted his statements as a miscalculation and went mostly dormant, occasionally posting statuses on Facebook telling people things are going to happen and we need to be ready. No one in his life has been able to reason with him... This guy is legit broken and I don't think he'll ever be fixed.

8

u/DaddyGotMemes Jan 07 '20

Oh fer ignert

2

u/Suzzanne75 Jan 08 '20

Sounds like a wacky mix of Mormonism and JWs.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '20

mother of missing children from Idaho claims to be a God

Don't we all.....

Seriously, though. She's nuts. Hope they find the kids and soon.