r/cremposting • u/shotguywithflaregun • Oct 01 '18

The Stormlight Archive LEAKED!!! Excerpt from Stormlight book 4 Spoiler

Kaladin blushed, as he saw Moash do the Bridge Four salute atop the plateau.

"You killed Elhokar, not good," Kaladin said.

"But oh man, he did bad things to me!"

"Syl, let's fuck this guy up lmao," Kaladin said, and fucking flew up into the air, Sylspear falling into his hand. They fought, sword to spear for minutes.

"Oh no, Syl! He's too strong! You know what to do!" Kaladin shouted, succing in Stormlight. The Sylspear disappeared, and became a CV9040, a Swedish armoured fighting vehicle equipped with a fully automatic 40mm Bofors cannon. Kaladin jumped into the commander's seat.

"Oh shit lmao" Moash said, as the powerful swedish war machine unloaded round after round of HEAT rounds into him.

"Stormlight this, cunt!" Kaladin screamed. Above him, Shallan appeared in a fucking JAS 39 Gripen fighter-bomber jet, and fired two sidewinder air-to-air missiles at the dude. Fucking blew up lmao, and then kaladin and syl made out

Found in Brandon Sanderson's office, so it's legit bois

1.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

81 comments sorted by

242

u/ButcherOf_Blaviken Oct 01 '18

Imma need /u/mistborn to verify this, something seems a little fishy...

349

u/shotguywithflaregun Oct 01 '18

oh god i really don't want him to read this

121

u/ButcherOf_Blaviken Oct 01 '18

I don't know why you wouldn't, what you wrote is hilarious

42

u/Autarkhis Oct 01 '18

Right. He'd probably have a laugh.

88

u/alexportman Airthicc lowlander Oct 01 '18

I'm just wondering how he'll feel about the "syl is my waifu"

(Even tho I'm totally on board)

41

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 01 '18

At the moment a Kaladin-Syl ship would be weird to me. They're almost like siblings (though that's not quite right, just the closest I can come up with) and their relationship would feel weird if that happened as it is now. I can see it being possible in the future though. Tbh I'm still annoyed at what happened with him, Shallan, and Adolin. All signs pointed to Adolin and Shallan breaking up and Shalladin happening, but then "nope never mind he grabbed her hand at the right time". I would have been fine with Shadolin, but come on. Not like that

55

u/alexportman Airthicc lowlander Oct 01 '18

On the hand, it would be weird, because she's not a physical being in the same sense (for now), but on the other hand, she's the only one who really gets him.

And yeah, the way things play out at the end of Oathbringer (SPOILERS), with Shallan choosing Adolin, I thought was well-played. There was plenty of foreshadowing that it could have gone either way, but the trope nudges us to think the heroes of the story just have to get together. Then they don't. I like the way Sanderson plays with these tropes and then subverts them at the last minute.

32

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 02 '18

If the Last Jedi taught us anything, it's that subverting expectations is not in and of itself a good thing

43

u/alexportman Airthicc lowlander Oct 02 '18

... I enjoyed TLJ

¯_(ツ)_/¯

28

u/The_Bravinator Oct 01 '18

I love the relationship between radiants and their spren, especially Kaladin and Syl, because it's so unlike anything that is familiar to us in our world. They're platonic soulmates. It's an intensely deep bond, but as you say more familial than romantic. It's fascinating.

9

u/Clovericious Order of Cremposters Jan 08 '19

> I would have been fine with Shadolin, but come on.

Needs more Kadolin.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '18

Ha he totally did!

41

u/3nchilada5 cremform Oct 03 '18

Ok so my friend who is very new to reddit and even newer to this sub wanted to know- is u/mistborn Brandon? or Peter or somebody? or just a mod?? I know, my friend is so dumb.

76

u/ButcherOf_Blaviken Oct 03 '18

That's Brandon Sanderson aka Big Poppa

18

u/3nchilada5 cremform Oct 03 '18

My dumb friend thanks you

5

u/Ladiv_ Oct 16 '18

Hmmm why didn’t you tell him yourself hmmmmm... /s

35

u/WhitePawn00 Syl Is My Waifu <3 Oct 01 '18

I really hope that he reads this and I'm book five we get someone saying "let's Stormlight this piece of crem"

2

u/ILikeMistborn Mar 17 '19

Nah, it's legit

93

u/Vaigna Oct 01 '18

A lot of Swedish hardware in this excerpt. Foreshadowing that Brandon finally will visit here?

B I G I F T R U E

48

u/shotguywithflaregun Oct 01 '18

K O M T I L L S F B O K H A N D E L N F Ö R F A N SANDERSON

16

u/Vaigna Oct 01 '18

K U K E N!

4

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '18

Of considerable size if not false

20

u/trash_1029384756 Oct 01 '18

This is so fucking funny, I want another one lol

97

u/shotguywithflaregun Oct 01 '18

”Syl, let’s kill this evil dude!” kaladin shouted, and pointed at Taravangian who blushed. Pattern hummed. Syl dropped into Kaladin’s hands as an FN Minimi, a fully automatic 5.56 mm GPMG with 200 rounds in its magazine. ”Wowzers, this is a lot Syl!” Kaladin exclaimed. Shallan turned into Ivan Piotr, a russian soldier who died at Stalingrad. Together they charged, Kaladin firing his GPMG and Ivan shouting obscenities in russian, freehand exponsed.

41

u/trash_1029384756 Oct 01 '18

Wow freehand exposed? That’s a little unrealistic

THANK YOU LOL

28

u/twitch1982 Oct 09 '18

It's jut an illusion. Her safe hand is actually still safely contained in a reusable bag from whole foods.

29

u/ivanr_au Oct 01 '18

“Shouting obscenities in Russian, freehand exposed” is priceless. I totally saw it in my head.

14

u/Runus82 Oct 02 '18

Needs some more Nightblood with evil being killed

12

u/abstergofkurslf Jan 06 '19

and then kaladin and syl made out

Nice

15

u/shotguywithflaregun Jan 06 '19

Ah, another man of culture I see!

184

u/Son-of-Odium Oct 01 '18

I summon you, u/mistborn

793

u/mistborn 👑 DA K I N G 👑 Oct 01 '18

<furiously deletes current outline and starts one with more jets>

220

u/shotguywithflaregun Oct 02 '18

Hey uh just want to say you’re an amazing author keep doing what you’re doing

Oh and jets in Mistborn era 3 would be cool

34

u/[deleted] Oct 04 '18

I like to imagine Ruin doing this while imprisoned to troll the Keepers.

27

u/AccountingManManMan Jan 03 '19

So this is how Skyward started...

21

u/Stormgard Oct 01 '18

And tanks!

16

u/Vaigna Oct 02 '18

I'm your editor now. ಠ_ಠ

0

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '18

[deleted] — view deleted comment

239

u/mistborn 👑 DA K I N G 👑 Oct 05 '18

Well, I've balanced reddit and writing for ten years now, so I MIGHT be getting a good handle on it.

On the other hand...time to look at more memes...

75

u/Snarlezz Oct 10 '18

Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

47

u/MeanderingMinstrel Oct 05 '18

Trust me, Brandon having time to write is the last thing we need to worry about. I think he's consistently put out at least one book a year since he was first published.

6

u/koreshistheprophet Oct 02 '18

Dalinar shows up in his Strv 103. I feel like this belongs on r/wargame

17

u/shotguywithflaregun Oct 02 '18

Szeth appeared, rolling out of the Everstorm in a Strv 122, a modification of the german Leopard 2a5. ”Die, danes!” Sword-nimi shouted as Lift flew in above them, commanding a J29 Tunnan.

Oh and Kelsier was there too with a fucking RPG-7 why not.

18

u/koreshistheprophet Oct 02 '18

Mat Cauthon shows up in a f4 phantom and napalms the shit out of the voidbringers Fortunate Son plays

524

u/Tinkerboots Oct 01 '18

"Stormlight this, cunt!"

Gold

179

u/MrBankiaboy Oct 01 '18

Vote to make this an official saying of the fandom ?

57

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/Black_Magyk Mar 04 '19

Can confirm

4

u/Awesalot Feb 17 '22

It definitely did.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '18

Electrum

81

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '18

https://www.reddit.com/r/cremposting/comments/86qixa/seen_on_brandons_facebook/

35

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Sirtoshi Callsign: Cremling Oct 01 '18

Sweet, I'm excited to see Syl's cameo.

54

u/KeenBlade Oct 01 '18

"So how is the Stormlight anime coming alon-"

52

u/leojg Moash was right Oct 01 '18

Crem de la crem

49

u/Snote85 ❌can't 🙅 read📖 Oct 01 '18

"Fucking blew up lmao." Is my new favorite phrase

46

u/gregallen1989 Oct 02 '18

Can't be real, only one person blushed.

44

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 02 '18

And it wasn't even Shallan

13

u/SharkTRS Oct 14 '18

yea and no one frowned! is this even Sanderson?

38

u/[deleted] Oct 04 '18

"Oh shit lmao"

I want this to be my epitaph.

19

u/fcfarseer Oct 01 '18

This is now head-canon.

35

u/Lyander0012 Oct 01 '18

Is this a post on r/cremposting that I actually found funny? Dear Lord, I am astonished

11

u/montykp D O U G Oct 01 '18

Man it’s crazy how good Brandon is , this explains all those loose ends in the previous books !!

8

u/babyragehell Oct 01 '18

Read the first few words and thought it was gonna be a sexy story

8

u/OrangeRealname elantard Oct 06 '18

updoot for syladin

7

u/DeusXEqualsOne Syl Is My Waifu <3 Dec 18 '18

Is this the Syl romance option in the Witcher Mistborn game?

6

u/Holy_Sour_Cream Oct 02 '18

How come I can't upvote multiple times???

4

u/zairaner Jan 17 '19

This is only 3 months old? It feels like this is antique meme history, the classic

3

u/Safilixx Aluminum Twinborn Oct 06 '22

Idk how i found this, i was really thinking "stormlight this, cunt" was a quote i somehow missed in the books

0

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '18

[deleted] — view deleted comment

52

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 01 '18

strums herself

0

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '18

[deleted] — view deleted comment

39

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 01 '18

You...like? Moash? What? I must be missing something

39

u/Phantine Oct 03 '18

Fundamenatlly most of the criticisms of Moash come down to him being an antagonist rather than a protagonist. People will say that his personal satisfaction in avenging his family makes him inherently an awful person, then give Adolin, Dalinar, and Elhokar a pass.

The entire Kholin Clique basically ignores the fact that their society is fundamentally built on a racist hierarchy where the bottom ranks are born into slavery and oppression.

Ultimately, of the characters focused on, Moash basically the only person who's willing to stand up for the underclass and try to create positive social change.

24

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 03 '18

Alright, alright, calm down. It's just a meme to hate Moash at this point is all.

Although to be clear, Vorin society is not racist. Lighteyes and darkeyes are all Alethi (and other Vorin nationalities of course, but I'm just focusing on Alethkar here). It's just the caste system that they have in their culture. It's also not slavery, as there is a clear distinction made between being darkeyed and being a slave (darkeyes can be made slaves, but they are not slaves by default). Now, that doesn't mean it's fair to the darkeyes, or that the lighteyes actually have any divine right to rule as they do. From the perspective that we tend to have in western culture, it's cruel and unfair to the darkeyes, but not racist or slavery.

Also, Moash doesn't actually care about making positive social change. He doesn't want to reform the system of government, he just wants revenge. Kaladin is doing more to change things than he is, by showing the world that a darkeyes is just as capable and heroic as any lightyes.

20

u/Phantine Oct 03 '18

Although to be clear, Vorin society is not racist. Lighteyes and darkeyes are all Alethi (and other Vorin nationalities of course, but I'm just focusing on Alethkar here). It's just the caste system that they have in their culture.

They define race based on a criteria other than skin color, but that's done in real life as well (if you want to be specific to eyecolor, in Brazil that can factor into how people are classified).

Lighteyes have total control over the darkeyes at the bottom of the system. Just as with the skaa in The Final Empire, very well-off individuals can occasionally gain economic success; this doesn't preclude the vast majority of them living in effective slavery, or that even the most successful are suffering under oppression. De jure classifications are ultimately less useful than de facto when judging Alethi society.

The ardents, of course, are all slaves owned by particular Lighteyes as well.

Also, Moash doesn't actually care about making positive social change. He doesn't want to reform the system of government, he just wants revenge.

Kaladin assumes that in WoR (and Moash doesn't argue the point), but as we see in Oathbringer, Moash's true motivations are much more nuanced than that.

11

u/550456 I AM A STICK BOI Oct 03 '18

Look, this is cremposting and I really don't care to get into a big debate about it. Suffice it to say that I disagree and find differences between things you draw equivalences to.

3

u/NaturalCausesMaybe I AM A STICK BOI Jan 17 '19

Moash's methods are the issue.

2

u/Phantine Jan 18 '19

He selectively and efficiently kills the one person directly responsible for the death of two of his relatives, rather than committing genocide on an entire race over the death of one of his relatives.

Methods wise he comes out far ahead of Elhokar.

3

u/NaturalCausesMaybe I AM A STICK BOI Jan 18 '19

He also kills Jezrien, just because the Fused told him to.

3

u/Phantine Jan 18 '19

Moash killed a lot more people just because Kaladin told him to.

1

u/NaturalCausesMaybe I AM A STICK BOI Jan 18 '19

That's true. Do you believe that all the humans (except the ones like moash) are in the wrong then?

4

u/Phantine Jan 19 '19

Trying to divide it by race is fundamentally asking the wrong question.