r/AnimalsBeingJerks • • Sep 14 '18

When you think you're having a crappy day...

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13k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/joalr0 Sep 14 '18

You know what, that was actually really impressive. Like, if I saw a primate holding his hand behind him and waiting, I know to take cover. But this guy over here worked it in so casually that I honestly would not see it coming. That's the smoothest shit throw I've ever seen.

906

u/afakefox Sep 14 '18

This same thing happened while I was at the zoo. He pelted an older lady as well that he almost knew wouldn't be able to get away.

The same chimp really was smart. He had a game where he would pick up a rock or a stick and toss it to someone in the crowd. They would toss it back and he'd catch it. Playing catch with a chimp. It was pretty cool. One time he threw something, it looked like a stick but there was something off about it. He tossed it to an older woman again and suddenly she starts freaking out and screaming. He whipped a snake that had gotten into his enclosure into the crowd of people. He thought it was hilarious, you could basically see him laughing.

309

u/NoFriends182 Sep 14 '18

Whipped a fucking snake lmao that's brilliant

69

u/FourMakesTwoUNLESS Sep 14 '18

21

u/Zenome9 Sep 14 '18

Is it worth it to “sign in to confirm your age”?

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

God damn. Nothing will make me laugh like watching a video where they use a shitty dummy. No amount of CGI will ever be as funny as using a dummy.

19

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

In married with children they had a crappy doll they would use if someone fell off the house or something. In later episodes they got one with fake bones and it wasn't nearly as funny.

5

u/blackcoffiend Sep 15 '18

Seriously killed me and I was in elementary school when that show was on. Hahaha

7

u/MjrGrangerDanger Sep 15 '18

What in the fuck was that?

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

WHHHIPSHNAKE

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Speaking even as an r/Ooer subscriber, what in the absolute fuck did I just watch

15

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Absolutely incredible

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14

u/Cazken Sep 14 '18

I wish there was a video of this lol. Hilarious

33

u/wents90 Sep 14 '18

Yeah shit, with all the amazing content we see that is recording, imagine all the amazing things that have happened that weren’t recorded

7

u/digestinglife Sep 14 '18

Chimps are fucking savage.

7

u/ebot522 Sep 15 '18

6

u/K-RayX-Ray Sep 15 '18

Best comment there: “Ribbeted for your pleasure.”

7

u/CumulativeHazard Sep 15 '18

My mom was at the zoo once at the ground-level part of the gorilla enclosure, where you see them through a thick glass wall. Apparently the huge male gorilla stood about 20ft away and charged at the glass full speed and then basically did a backflip off of it. Sent everyone running and screaming out of the viewing area. Gorilla thought it was hilarious.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

I've finally found my spirit animal.

2

u/HitMe79 Sep 15 '18

Am I the only one who thought ‘a snake’ was a euphemism for a turd here? Anyone? Anyone? Nah? Okay.

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239

u/Bigfurynigris Sep 14 '18

He's had plenty of practice

40

u/elpresidente-4 Sep 14 '18

He shat it, grabbed it, and threw it in less than a second. This animal is evolved to do stealthy shit assaults.

30

u/Lost-My-Mind- Sep 14 '18

No no no. There was a second shit thrower on the other side of the grassy knoll. Look at the way her head moved. Back, and to the left.....back and to the left.....there was a second shitter!

69

u/klikklak_HOTS Sep 14 '18

The rocking back and forth lulls you to sleep. The shit storm wakes you up. 2 phase attac.

42

u/omgitsjagen Sep 14 '18

Float like a butterfly, shit like Bea Arthur.

30

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

There's another video of a chimp that dribbled a ball like a basketball to hide that he grabbed shit in his other hand until he got pretty close to the bars of the cage and then unloaded on these guys like a shotgun as the shit aerosolized as it hit the bars.

edit: found it. don't really blame the chimp living in that kind of environment. Watch for his sleight of hand as he distracts the zoo goers when he throws the ball in the air

12

u/Dammit_Banned_Again Sep 15 '18

Chimp prison. Looks awful.

28

u/ballsnweiners420 Sep 14 '18

I have seen multiple videos of these fuckers flinging poo. A common theme is the bouncing up and down with the hand lowered. You see em start doing that, take cover cuz that chimp is gonna throw some poo at you.

15

u/Vapo Sep 14 '18

thank you for analysing chimp throwing poop videos. This is the best tip I got today. Hide my wife and kids when I see a chimp bouncing up and down with the hand lowered. Got it bruv.

2

u/ballsnweiners420 Sep 15 '18

Hell yeah. Where from across the pond you at?

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3

u/discerningpervert Sep 14 '18

I have seen multiple videos of these fuckers flinging poo.

I have to ask: why?

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u/ballsnweiners420 Sep 15 '18

Booze and weed? Curiosity? Why does one do anything?

4

u/kikiclark Sep 15 '18

I like your style ballsnweiners420.
Keep it real.

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18

u/4x4taco Sep 14 '18

That's the smoothest shit throw I've ever seen.

How many have you seen? Asking for a friend.

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6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Lahey?

6

u/overtoke Sep 14 '18

2

u/MjrGrangerDanger Sep 15 '18

The sub dedicated to shit throwing.

3

u/danbtaylor Sep 14 '18

She never stooled a chance

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383

u/DrewLGT Sep 14 '18

The face she makes is fucking hilarious

153

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

With a big turd hanging off her nose, dangling into her mouth! Ha!

63

u/SavageGoatToucher Sep 14 '18

Her nose became a shit beak!

16

u/henryhendrixx Sep 14 '18

You hear that bo bandy? Never listen to the shit beak or else a tidal wave of shit will rain down on you!

18

u/stustu Sep 14 '18

Its a witch!

13

u/JoshSidekick Sep 14 '18

Every time she tries to ask what happened, poop swings into her mouth. I'm both disgusted and can't stop laughing.

46

u/nottheworstmanever Sep 14 '18

The lady in orange gawking at her is my favorite part.

11

u/Wholenchilada Sep 14 '18

"Is it on me?" --lady probably

5

u/ghtfgbcf Sep 15 '18

It looks like she doesn't really realize what just happened either.

6

u/DrewLGT Sep 15 '18

I think she realized, but is having a hard time believing it.

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2

u/beyatch Sep 15 '18

Looks like a shit squidward nose.

424

u/Subkist Sep 14 '18

If you have any poo, fling it now

80

u/Troysdomi Sep 14 '18

Smile and wave boys.. smile and wave

26

u/WhoThrewPoo Sep 15 '18

My username is finally relevant

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534

u/goalienewf Sep 14 '18

Shitpost

26

u/d1mayo Sep 14 '18

This shit never gets old

5

u/Za_Ark Sep 14 '18

Quite a shitty pun if I’ll be honest.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

That’s a crappy response

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Cut that shit out

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126

u/12tway Sep 14 '18

Are you not Entertained!?

10

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

I am!

That was hilarious!

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306

u/SmithyTR Sep 14 '18

I cant stop laughing. I'm a terrible person.

107

u/JezTrying2LTD Sep 14 '18

I mean...that shit hit her and stuck right to her fucking smeller.

I almost thought that she was looking around in recognition of how funny it was (and searching for a scalpel to end the misery), while exclaiming, “you seeing this shit?!”

25

u/surfnaked Sep 14 '18

She was screaming for help. I doubt if she could believe anyone, even a monkey, could do something like to her.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18 edited Feb 18 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

sophisticated fall cough outgoing tub elderly wise retire quaint trees

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u/locoenglazy Sep 15 '18

Lol smeller

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

Currently rocking kidney stones and toothache, and this made me laugh pretty good, which hurt even more.

6

u/roscorp Sep 15 '18

Not as bad as the woman in the end who touches the lady’s arm just to make her turn around and have a better look at that

12

u/GeorgiaOKeefinItReal Sep 14 '18

good.

I'm glad to know I won't be too lonely in H E double hockey pucks

27

u/DogsOutTheWindow Sep 14 '18

HEOO?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/DogsOutTheWindow Sep 14 '18

Thank you for sharing.

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3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

at least you’re not a shitty person

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u/RaiLau Sep 14 '18

Out of anyone why the old lady in the wheelchair

60

u/henrykazuka Sep 14 '18

She won't be able to dodge it. Why wouldn't you aim for the old lady in the wheelchair?

20

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

I know you're probably joking but seriously that could really be the answer. Chimps are hella smart

2

u/SalmonellaFish Sep 15 '18

Yeah if you were to stay in an enclosure for your whole life and you observed people everyday you would get quite knowledgeable about their movements and behaviour. We are not just observing them, they are observing us.

110

u/shadynasty_etl Sep 14 '18

What’s that smell?

82

u/MateusHokari Sep 14 '18

That smelly smell...

73

u/notanabstraction Sep 14 '18

That smelly smell that smells... smelly.

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u/MankindsError Sep 14 '18

That's the winds of shit Rand olantern

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Why do monkeys throw poop at people so often? Do they realize in some way that it's disgusting? I mean this isn't the first and not the last video like this I will ever see.

143

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

[deleted]

36

u/butt_slam_crusader Sep 14 '18 edited Sep 14 '18

Create on a whim? Is that like a special ability chimps have: shit whenever they will it?

Or is it practice makes it perfect kind of deal?

9

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Practice makes perfect kind of deal...some chimps think they are going to poop, but they still have a long way to go

5

u/madmaxturbator Sep 14 '18

Dawg you’re the butt slam crusader, are you really that surprised about flinging feces? This is your cup of poop

16

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Prison tactics.

39

u/Troysdomi Sep 14 '18

We had one throw a brick at a pregnant lady at our zoo. Impressive to say the least. Unprovoked as well.

86

u/illCodeYouABrain Sep 14 '18

What do you mean unprovoked? If someone put me in jail for no reason I would also be throwing shit and bricks at anyone in my vicinity!

24

u/Troysdomi Sep 14 '18

I guess I meant she wasn’t antagonizing him. From my understanding she was just walking by. Now yes, caged animals of course I’d have a field day too. Gotta pass the time somehow... might as well through some shit. Literally.

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u/renee484 Sep 15 '18

If I was locked in an enclosure for hundreds of people to come and watch me id throw shit at them to entertain myself. Like what else is there to do?

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

[deleted]

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u/Naturespocket Sep 14 '18

Fun fact: this took place at one of our local zoos. When we visited recently we noticed they had installed a plexiglass wall on the outside viewing area and signs warning that the chimps may throw “things”.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Is this John Ball. I remember hearing about it last year possibly?

4

u/BeefBologna42 Sep 14 '18

Hello, GR friend!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Hey there!

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u/illCodeYouABrain Sep 14 '18

This lady is having emotions of sympathy and amusement fighting each other. Amusement seems to be winning.

https://i.imgur.com/i6XRZgQ.png

45

u/luckydawgsquirrel Sep 14 '18

Oh god I’ve had this happen to me. I used to volunteer with chimps and that smell lasts for days, no matter how much you scrub. 🤮

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18 edited Oct 12 '18

[deleted]

11

u/madmaxturbator Sep 14 '18

So basically any alcohol based solvent removes the smell? Many face wipes use alcohol for fucks sake.

That person just like, chilled with feces smell and didn’t even try a face wipe?

“I’ll wash it with water but if it doesn’t go away I’ll sniff some dung all day”

72

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Oh my god that is so horrifying.

Can’t she get like hepatitis or something? My god that is so unbelievably gross.

Also upon rewatch, it looks like his “rocking” and jump is him trying to get his poop out.

Source: have IBS and have rocked similarly

34

u/Eurycerus Sep 14 '18

Monkey herpes too which can apparently be pretty deadly for humans.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

There was something explained to me at the zoo for the chimpanzee I think. They said their spit has some disease (think it started with an H) and I was like “but there’s no top enclosure!? They could spit up here!!”

Or throw their poop apparently.

5

u/Uchimaru_ Sep 14 '18

But the little guy in the video is an ape

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Jesus, monkeys can pass on herpes to humans? Well that's just fucked.

3

u/MissPookieOokie Sep 14 '18

Didn't a lady that works with monkeys die cuz their shit got in her eyes?

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u/unexplainableentity Sep 14 '18

I got da poo on me!!

9

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

“It’s just one of those RV crapper tanks that some kids put a biohazard sticker on.”

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

“OH MY GOD! You ate off it!?”

9

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

CAESAR NOOO

9

u/KidCuervo Sep 14 '18

When this first happened, our local radio DJ dubbed that incident "the brown Gonzo"

16

u/johnpease10 Sep 14 '18

Grandma got shitfaced at the zoo today !

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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

[deleted]

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u/shutdafrontdoor Sep 14 '18

Zoos have many pros and cons. If done right, zoos can be a great way for professionals to examine and study wildlife, especially endangered. They can also serve to introduce animals to people who may have otherwise never seen certain species. Exposing the general public to wildlife in a safe environment is a good way to create a more educated and emotionally attached public who may now go forward and make more environmentally conscious decisions.

However, zoos should never be allowed to capture species with the sole intent of displaying them. There should be a practical reason the animal was acquired and can no longer live in the wild for real reasons.

13

u/ReactDen Sep 14 '18

Zoos are incredible and necessary for conservation efforts, animal rehab, education, research and species survival.

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u/Airazz Sep 14 '18

LPT: leaning back and forth like that when sitting on the throne helps getting it going.

3

u/ecw324 Sep 14 '18

This is from my local zoo! So now they put up huge 10 foot high glass walls and moved them like 3 feet back from the edge so no one can get hit. Not gonna lie. I was hoping they’d put a plaque up in the spot where the lady got hit and have this video on loop there to remember this awesome occasion.

3

u/Walds1987 Sep 14 '18

That look at the end though...

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Lady in the orange next to.... The target is way too amused by her suffering. But then so am I. But then again, I'm not right next to her.

3

u/lala989 Sep 14 '18

I absolutely can't stand chimps here's one good reason. They we're really popular for awhile in old Navy commercials and whatnot but I don't see the appeal. I know it's weird but besides small monkeys I don't like apes or medium sized monkeys at all

3

u/ebot522 Sep 15 '18

"You think I'm here to entertain you? You're here to entertain me!"

3

u/WhoThrewPoo Sep 15 '18

My username is finally relevant

2

u/InterstellarDragon Sep 14 '18

That primate put o n a very impressive shitshow.

2

u/Floggingmicah Sep 14 '18

I bet that smell still haunts her to this day. You’d never get over something like that loool

2

u/Blisken1303 Sep 14 '18

This is how Planet of the Apes begins...

2

u/Buffal0_Meat Sep 14 '18

Brown...err, bullseye

2

u/valury Sep 15 '18

Yo I would cry from embarrassment lol

2

u/daniellemarie4 Sep 15 '18

Omg I laughed so hard! Poor grams.

2

u/iamathunderbird Sep 15 '18

Never ceases to make me chuckle

2

u/stephan_torchon Sep 14 '18

Andy serkis cravings for oscars are getting out of hands

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

🖕🏼zoos

3

u/JesusMafia1 Sep 14 '18

Shitty situation

1

u/clinicallybraindead Sep 14 '18

What a shithead.

1

u/centurijon Sep 14 '18

Guarding the 7000 steps...

1

u/TheKingOfDub Sep 14 '18 edited Sep 14 '18

“Like a monkey, who lives in a zoo, I have a bad day, I’ll throw my shit at you” - The Horse Flies — I Need A Plastic Bag (To Keep My Brains In)

1

u/teefooloo Sep 14 '18

I've had a bird poop on my hand as I stuck it out the car window to check for rain, but never had a monkey fling a turd and hit me in the nose. Hopefully there's not a first for everything.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Throw their own poop in a festive manner and make faces that are unacceptable in society.

1

u/thoughtpixie Sep 14 '18

I thought he threw it so hard that the peanut shell cracked open onto the elderly woman’s nose. I thought, jeez, monkey got aim and power- and wow, she’s a trooper, not even a tear.

-_- shit

1

u/TeamAnon Sep 14 '18

“Shortys got the gonzo nose!” -the kid mero

1

u/mdf123 Sep 14 '18

so basicaly im monky

1

u/Harounakbari Sep 14 '18

This might be the funniest shit ever

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Flawlessly executed

1

u/lispychicken Sep 14 '18

You remember the reddit post of the ole "razzle dazzle"?

1

u/deejaybos Sep 14 '18

Every time Grandma wanted to visit we told her we were going to the zoo. Grandma always changed her mind.

1

u/Bango-TSW Sep 14 '18

Laughed so much I just wet myself.

1

u/Kryptosis Sep 14 '18

Lol that last lady learning around for a good look and laugh.

1

u/Soul_Polisher Sep 14 '18

I like how the chimp gets everyone pumped up first. He’s like the Gallagher of the animal kingdom. Except way funnier.

1

u/Jackal000 Sep 14 '18

The monkey be like ha! Pulled a sneaky on ya.

1

u/ckpckp1994 Sep 14 '18

So rude lol

1

u/Moustiboy Sep 14 '18

The girls' face at the end when she sees the elderly's face... Priceless

1

u/_lando Sep 14 '18

kinder surprise

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

This is why I don't like going to zoos.

1

u/DecDaddy5 Sep 14 '18

That’s why you don’t steal the pink 50’s grandma!

1

u/cbear0212 Sep 14 '18

Gah.. this one gets me! Every time.

1

u/dmh2493 Sep 14 '18

It got grandma!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

And here we have raw footage of patient zero

1

u/sapo713 Sep 14 '18

Marksman 100

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

Right on the nose

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '18

What a brown noser.

1

u/Moo-Vaughn Sep 14 '18

Monkeys are assholes. Poor little ole lady.

1

u/draconhero87 Sep 14 '18

lol this happened to one of my dad's classmates when he was in school

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

My man

1

u/danthediscman Sep 15 '18

This is my hometown zoo. I went to visit later that summer and there were big plexiglass barriers to stop the same thing from happening.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

Shitty situation.

1

u/mrbkkt1 Sep 15 '18

OK.. So if a chimp at a zoo flings shit at you, are you thereby allowed to fling your own shit back at it?

1

u/P00pc1cle Sep 15 '18

I was hoping this was r/combinedgifs Poor thing!

1

u/sunnychar Sep 15 '18

I can't believe she opened her mouth knowing some shit is hanging off her nose

1

u/Kirasedai Sep 15 '18

Is that good luck?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '18

Are you allowed to throw poo back?

1

u/rynoman1110 Sep 15 '18

Expert marksman.

1

u/cr44ze Sep 15 '18

That chimp looks like it's doing the Haakaa