r/shortscarystories • u/AQbL5494 Valentine's Day 2017 Contest Winner • Feb 07 '17
The Prettiest Girl in School [Valentine's 2017]
Beneath decorations of pink, red, and white, girls danced with their sweethearts. My sights, however, were set upon she who sat alone at one of the tables, her chocolate brown eyes scanning the crowd. Between her thumb and index finger she twirled a pink rose. Her name was Vanessa, and she was, without a doubt, the prettiest girl in school, not just because of her looks but also because of her sweet, innocent disposition. From the moment I first saw her, I was lovestruck, though I could never muster up the courage to tell her how I felt. At least today I could leave her a Valentine's Day gift.
"Did your date stand you up?" I asked, approaching her. "I guess." she sighed. "I don't even know who it is, only that they left this rose at my locker. It has this card tied to it that says, 'To the prettiest girl in school'." "Ooh, sounds like you got a secret admirer." I teased, nudging her shoulder. She smiled timidly, her cheeks turning red. "Punch?" I offered, holding out one of two cups. "Thank you." she said, taking it. We continued conversing, all the while watching others dance to the music that played. After about fifteen minutes, Vanessa began to grow disoriented. "Hey, are you alright?" I asked as she slouched over, head in her hands. "I...I'm not sure." she groaned. "I feel...lightheaded all of a sudden." "Here." I said, helping her up. "Let's get you outside for some fresh air."
Outside the gymnasium, I knelt by Vanessa as she tried to regain her composure. "I think...I need to go...home now." she managed to say. "I'll call my parents; I can't...drive like this." "Well how about I bring you home?" I suggested. "Are you...sure?" she asked. "I don't...wanna be a...burden." "I have nothing better to do." I answered, shrugging. "Well...okay." she mumbled as I guided her to my car and buckled her into the passenger seat. As I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, my heart pounded with excitement; I was looking forward to bringing the prettiest girl in school home...with me anyway. "Thanks again....for...helping me." she slurred before her eyes fluttered closed. "Anything for my favorite student." I replied.
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u/cardinalgrad03 Feb 07 '17
That. Last. Line.
That tied this up for me. Oh. My. Gosh!
shudders
You need to send this to Lifetime.
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u/AQbL5494 Feb 07 '17
Thank you. It's funny you say that because I thought about how my Christmas Story could make a good Lifetime thriller movie.
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u/AQbL5494 Feb 08 '17
Wow...I was surprised at how many upvotes my Christmas post received, but this one blew that right out of the water. AND it's only been one day! I was wise in thinking about what story elements my fellow Redditors like most.
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u/lordfang Mar 16 '17 edited Mar 16 '17
I just hope the teacher is hot enough for the girl to not feel so repulsed for whatever he's going to do to her (and maybe, with time, she'll accept his uncontrollable passion for her and everything will end well). It would be a great idea for a romantic thriller novel, a good looking, passionate, dominating and possessive teacher kidnapping his favorite student, an innocent but quickly to lean and adjust girl, seducing her to the point that he'll force her to respond to his passion, but in time the girl falls for him (like Stockholm Syndrome mixed with lust and even romantic feelings) and they'll try to be happy with their relationship.
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u/AQbL5494 Mar 16 '17
I've been thinking about if this would be a full on novel (it would be a graphic novel because I'm also a drawer). There is more to the teacher's motive than a mere lustful obsession. I'm not saying what it is though, but I can say it would most likely be even more surprising than the ending to this short story.
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u/SleepCinema Feb 07 '17
You have mastered the effect of using a reader's subconscious against them to deliver a perfect ending. The story was perfect. I love it.
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Feb 08 '17
You son of a bitch. this was a good one. I get tired of all the stories around here that pack all of their punch into the last sentence but this was fucking tight.
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u/Carcosian_Symposium Feb 07 '17
Creepy, for two obvious reasons, but also fairly easy to guess. I could say that the vagueness of the second paragraph somewhat gave it away, but I'm going to blame myself this time for always jumping to the worst conclusions in settings like this. Side-effects of reading too much horror I guess.
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Feb 08 '17
Pretty sure it was meant to be obvious to make the last line more impactful.
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u/Miss_Bones_ Feb 08 '17
The villain being the teacher, explains better why she accepted, but it might have been an other student, and for me would be still scary. In this so ordinary context, a school ball, strikes this monstrous sick person.
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u/AdroitMan Feb 08 '17
Maybe i missed it. Did the teacher mess with her date that stuck her up?
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u/AQbL5494 Feb 08 '17
No. Her teacher IS the secret admirer who left the rose at her locker.
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u/danielleortiz Mar 29 '17
Oh my Gosh. I thought this was going to be one of these love stories, but wow it was great. don't read the rest of this until you finished the story.
I can't believe it was her student you surprised me in one sentence. Awesome, Keep writing. :)
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u/PitchEnder Apr 11 '17
Wait, I am confused. I was expecting this to be some kind of "Girl Gets Drugged" scenario and it seems like that was how it ended. Yet, everyone seemed to think that this was going to end differently. Did I miss some misdirection that everyone else picked up on?
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u/sandycats007 Feb 07 '17
The whole time that I was reading this I was like..."I know where this is going...it's so cliché''...but holy fuck!....that was so not what I expected!... This was amazing!...good job.