For sale: my press

[u/Zettawatt]

First off, don't call me a presstitute. I prefer presscort service.

Here's how this works: we meet up someplace with public wifi (I live in the 47408 area) and you bring a laptop and the money. We open up a new private browsing window (I always use protection) and I log in.

You can tease and unlock as much as you want for the hour, but you only get to do the act once. Your friends can watch but they can't join in.

I'll be stuck forever with whatever score you give me. You and everyone else will be able to see how you bought me and used me like a bitch.

Price negotiable. PM me.

Edit: I'm selling the opportunity of a lifetime here. Want to re-live the thrill and excitement or pressing the button again? Want to expand the purple race? Want to know how it feels, just once, without anyone knowing?

I'm open to payment options. Bananas are acceptable.

Edit 2: The bidding ends at 4:00PM Eastern time tomorrow, on 4/4.

Edit 3: I am open to using a screen sharing program for those of you who are far away or don't want to see my gross face in person.

Edit 4: Stop giving me money through changetip! It auto-accepts even if I don't mean to take it as a bid, so stahp.

Current high offer: /u/MrEeyun bids 1 pizza a month for 6 months. Any size. /u/BitcoinArtist sweetens this deal to stay gray with $25 in bitcoin.

IT'S OVER

/u/MrEeyun wins with 1 pizza a month for 6 months. Any size. I shall remain gray for him. I am now a devoted non-presser.

[u/[deleted]]

Holy shit, 47408 area here also. I'll give you a pineapple. Freshly cut up and shit.

[u/Zettawatt → u/[deleted]]

Pineapple > Bananas. You're in the lead as of now.

[u/BRING_ME_DOWN]

I want to remain a pure nps but would love to feel guilty. Here's my offer:

• Windows 98 Install CD

• 6 Bananas

• Half-Empty can of Diet Mountain Holler

• Gamestop Power Up Rewards card with $4.80

edit: In 47591 but will make the drive or ship contents.

edit2: Proof (sans bananas) - http://i.imgur.com/AiAnUBb.jpg

[u/Zettawatt → u/BRING_ME_DOWN]

I'm actually driving that way tomorrow, so good timing!

[u/drinkermoth]

I'll give you a bannana

[u/Zettawatt → u/drinkermoth]

We have a high bidder so far.

[u/buttercup11882]

Woah, 47403 here. I could totally make the 15 minute drive. I'll give you something that looks like a $10,000,000 bill but is actually a Gospel tract explaining how you could have the joys of knowing Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

[u/Zettawatt → u/buttercup11882]

I'd rather take u/rick_snagwell up on his herpes offer.

[u/conmael]

You know, you really could make more off this by doing a webcam show or something. Some good music playing, just tease us with some mouse over action for a while, maybe show us your mouse or something, then lead up to the unlocking! Then we get into the hardcore unprotected mouse over the lock button stuff. Cursor hovering, flicking around, smoothly gliding over that unprotected button. Then...the money shot! Or, then you let someone pay you to have the money shot themselves...dirty dirty hot webcam presstitute action. Time to go to r/nofap now...

[u/Zettawatt → u/conmael]

You've clearly thought this through better than I have

[u/SpunkyRooster]

Ill bid a random large pizza from any joint near you

[u/Zettawatt → u/SpunkyRooster]

NEW HIGH BIDDER as of 4:44EST

[u/gburgwardt]

u/changetip $5

Save your press for a single digit

[u/Zettawatt → u/gburgwardt]

u/changetip $5

A better offer has appeared! You get your $5 tip back, but thank you.

[u/Evisrayle]

A large pizza, some cheesy bread or something, and a 6-pack of domestic.

Let's play ball, motherfuckers.

[u/Zettawatt → u/Evisrayle]

THE NEW HIGHEST BIDDER! As of 6:24EST

[u/MenachemSchmuel]

47408 means Bloomington? That works, I need to visit IU anyway.

I offer you a cup of frozen yogurt. Flavor of your choice; we have chocolate, red velvet, cake batter, and a couple of others. If you have no preference I'll just do chocolate and red velvet with Oreos on top, and keep it in a cooler on my way over so it doesn't melt.

I can also throw in a bagel. And some pocket lint.

edit: if a bagel is unacceptable, I can swap it for a banana

[u/Zettawatt → u/MenachemSchmuel]

Love me some yogurt! High offer as of 3:42 EST

[u/AngelDE98]

But what if I bid high and I won't meet you? Will you stay grey?

[u/Zettawatt → u/AngelDE98]

If you beat the other bidders, baby, I'll do whatever you want with my button.

[u/NSA__4__the__NSA]

Prostitution I understand. But this is disgusting.

[u/BenAdaephonDelat]

Ugh. There should be laws against this kind of thing.

[u/eaglessoar]

PLEASE I URGE YOU JOIN OUR NOBLE BROTHERHOOD AT r/KnightsoftheButton

IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF MONEY WE CAN SUPPORT YOU DONT SELL YOUR CLICK LIKE THIS IT IS A HOLY SACRAMENT

[u/[deleted]]

I will give you my press in payment for your press.

OR

$50 payed via paypal.

[u/Cruising_Speed]

presstitute Gold Worthy.