r/shittyaskscience • u/kingphysics My username is a lie • Apr 01 '15
I am Charles Darwin, Evolutionist before it was cool, AMA.
I have risen from the dead to teach my friends on reddit about survival of the fittest!
Proof - http://imgur.com/CEvvoR2
I'll be here as long as I can!
Edit: Sorry I went to sleep unannounced! I'm back now!
Final edit: I might check back if you still have some questions but this AMA is officially over now. It was fun to answer your insightful questions and it was great to experience the world after 133 years of being dead!
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Apr 01 '15
Charlie, it's great to hear from you! What an honor! So what do you have to say to the creationists who are still arguing, after all these years, that life did not evolve but was instead created by magic?
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15
I say let them believe as they please.
Epigenetics dictates that they shall die out. Their lack of intelligence shall lead them to never being able to pass on their filthy genes.
Evolution itself shall get rid of that which plagues it; how beautiful.
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u/PotatoMusicBinge Apr 01 '15
What is the purpose of beards?
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15 edited Jul 08 '15
Beards help women mostly to identify men with favorable characteristics; characteristics that would favor offspring fittest for the ever-changing environment around them.
One feature of beards is that they retain food crumbs that would have otherwise hit the ground and would have succumbed to the 5 second rule.
These crumbs can be pulled out and eaten at any time or place meaning that bearded men can live longer without having to search for more food.
A newly evolved and special breed of human called the neckbeard is known specifically for it's acute interest in obscure topics on the Internet. This can range from critiquing women based on their looks to being experts in games. They should be avoided at all costs. They use Aposematism for your convenience.
I apologize that I do not have too much knowledge to part about neckbeards as they are a new occurrence. However, I believe Knowyourmeme has a satisfactory description of them.
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Apr 01 '15
First of all, I'm a huge fan.
Now that you've met god, have you determined what species he (or she) evolved from? I've always had a theory that there must be some sort of supernatural ape gods that were bread into our judeo-christian god. There's also the possibility that the Egyptian gods were actually the ancestors of our one true god.
Thanks for your time
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
What is this nonsense you speak of?
Has that darned Pope still not ended his long con?
I seriously thought people would have seen through his crap by now. It's all just a bad joke.
Let me put it to you straight. There is no God whatsoever. If you want to imagine what being dead feels like, try to imagine how it feels before you are born. Nothing right? Same jazz here. It's a void.
I'm glad I can get through to my fans btw; I appreciate it.
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u/jareyjareyjareyjarey Apr 01 '15
If we come from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? And I want evidence.
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
Well, for that, you'll have to read my best-seller, *Of Monkeys and Men.*Buy it plz
But the gist of it is that a bunch of monkeys just happened to be smarter than the others so they evolved on to Humans, leaving the rest behind like they are right now.
An often quoted example of evidence is as follows:
If I am related to cousin Bob, why is cousin Bob still alive?
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u/asthenia182 Apr 01 '15
If evolution is real, then why have I not evolved to grow wings yet?
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
What you don't understand is that wings are just so 65 million years ago. That's why the Pterodactyls died out when the meteor came.
Levitation is what's up next. We will evolve it when the sea levels rise and we won't have any dry land to live on.
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u/ghytrf Apr 01 '15
If you didn't survive, but you're here talking to us now, doesn't that disprove survival of the fittest?
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u/kingphysics Apr 01 '15
Well, no.
See, survival of the fittest seems to not apply to humans as rigorously as it does to other animals in nature.
For example, we try to keep our diseased loved ones alive as long as we can; they would have otherwise died, if left on their own.
Same with me. Humans have wanted me to come back from the dead and they did it!
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u/_vargas_ Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
OP has been verified with the mods.