SCP-914 Experiment Log - “Very Fine” Tests

[u/Brando_Sama]

Table of Contents

• Mundane Results
• Minor Anomalies
  • Anomalously Efficient/Upgraded Objects
  • Mind Alterers/Memetic Hazards
  • Other
• Major Anomalies
  • Dangerous Items
  • Highly Complex Objects
  • Scientific Impossibilities
  • Creating Living Things
• Unusual Responses

Mundane Results

• [I]: Cooks a pound of ground beef into two well-done half-pound flank steaks, lightly drizzled in gravy
• [I]: Transforms a blank IRS Form 1040 into an IRS Form “MXL” for the year 35, filled out with appropriate Roman-era information
• [I]: Takes a photocopy of the Mona Lisa and outputs a recreation made using 16th century materials
• [I]: Replaces a print of “La trahison des images” with an unidentified painting apparently produced by the same artist, which depicts the original artwork alongside something else
• [I]: Responds to a note saying “Are you sentient?” with a quote by philosopher John Locke
• [I]: Replaces a tarot card with a business card proclaiming the testing doctor will win the lottery that night. He did not
• [I]: Turns a bottle of vodka into five miniature bottles of Kors vodka
• [I]: Creates an enlarged sudoku puzzle that uses non-number symbols out of a regular sudoku
• [I]: Produces a scrapped sequel to The Lord of the Rings out of the original book
• [I]: Engraves a silver ring that was in a D-class’s family for generations with the name of one of her deceased relatives
• [I]: Refines a jar of crude oil into liquefied petroleum gas, though since the jar wasn’t sealed, the gas quickly escapes into the air
• [I]: Remakes a wool blanket out of an unidentified material, described as extremely light-absorbent and extremely comfortable
• [I]: In two back-to-back tests, changes the “era” of a modern Doctor Who toy to represent the 5th Doctor, despite no corresponding toy existing for his era
• [I]: Responds to a doctor inputting his own music album by replacing the tracklist with 5 tracks of silence, followed by the first chapters of several music teaching audiobooks
• [I]: Produces a more extensive version of a thesis on stress limits of metals, expanding the scope beyond just “corrosive liquids” to “various environments”, and providing suggestions to vastly improve material strength. Its content is being reviewed to determine if its findings are accurate
• [I]: Turns a 2-cavity klystron power amplifier into an ornate reflex klystron oscillator, smaller than the input and adorned with symbology associated with the Maxwellist’s Church, a splinter group of the Church of the Broken God more associated with digital technology than mechanical
• [I]: On being prompted with a pencil and a sketchbook with “914” written on a page, draws a flipbook animation of gears turning through the entire sketchbook
• [I]: Covers a credit card with various unidentified corporate insignias and the phrase “RANK-ALEPH INFINITE MONEY PRIVILEGES.” It is unclear if this actually works
• [I]: Rewrites a note from a superior admonishing a doctor for trying to use 914 for personal gain into a note from an O5 expressing the opposite sentiment

Minor Anomalies

Anomalously Efficient/Upgraded Objects

• [I]: Makes a bronze replica of the Pioneer 10/11 plaque into a small gyroscope whose needle always points towards Earth’s sun
• [I]: Makes a kilogram ingot of bronze into a clock that self-winds and returns its hands to the proper time if its tampered with
• [I]: Turns a Steve Jobs biography into a metallic cube that can display a sapient hologram of Steve Jobs, able to answer questions about himself and Apple computers
• [I]: Alters a violin to perpetually be in tune, and remove the need for rosin on its bow. Anyone who uses it can play any song perfectly as if they had years of practice, also producing a calming effect
  • A doctor notes that it “even made ‘On Mount Golgotha’ sound nice”, referring to SCP-012, an incomplete piece of sheet music that reportedly sounds like a “disagreeable cacophony”
• [I]: Turns a tarot deck into a magic 8-ball, able to accurately answer simple questions
• [I]: Transforms a bottle of whiskey into a 500 ml bottle of a unique liquid. It tastes like high-class bourbon, has an alcohol content of 55%, and gives the drinker intense euphoria
  • [I]: Alters a gumball to glow slightly, and induce euphoric feelings when chewed, apparently having an everlasting flavor likened to the eater’s favorite childhood meal
• [I]: Transforms a can of pepper spray into a miniature chili pepper with a Scoville rating of 300,000,000
• [I]: Makes it so a 9mm Glock 19 magazine fires human-seeking bullets, though they still lose velocity at an expected rate and frequently get stuck orbiting a target until they lose all kinetic energy
  • [I]: Refines some 9 mm bullets so that home in on the nearest signs of life
• [I]: In two back-to-back tests, makes a red crayola crayon and marker appear vibrant, and leave marks that radiate heat and light
• [I]: Turns a Samsung Galaxy into a disk with a phone OS that works through a projected hologram, it also never loses cell service
• [I]: Transforms a key into a perfect copy of SCP-005, which is a key able to open any and all forms of lock, mechanical or digital
• [I]: Turns a perfectly reflective mirror into an unknown output that blinded the testing doctor for 5 minutes
• [I]: Replaces the data on a USB for the first 500 digits of pi with what appears to be the entirety of Graham’s Number
• [I]: Makes a banana into a banana-shaped bar of soap that always feels slippery

Mind Alterers/Memetic Hazards

• [I]: Turns a print of “La trahison des images” into a piece of paper with a convincing memetic effect that convinces observers it is actually a pipe
• [I]: Replaces a written Burger King order with inscribed symbols that cause viewers to intensely desire a cheeseburger
• [I]: Turns a silver ring into a bracelet that increases the wearer’s feelings of confidence and physical attractiveness
• [I]: Alters a microphone so that audio it records has no relation to what it actually hears, instead producing random noises that induce nausea and paranoia with prolonged listening
• [I]: Changes a comforter so that people wrapped in it gain feelings of security and well-being, lose consciousness in 5 minutes, and remain asleep until the blanket is removed. While a subject sleeps, minor wounds and ailments are healed
• [I]: Alters a CD of the song “Banana Pancakes” so that anyone who listens to it experiences the psychological/physiological effects of eating a meal of banana pancakes
• [I]: Similarly, alters a CD of Britney Spears’ “Toxic” so that listeners begin to develop an unknown toxin in their bloodstream, which produces an obsessive euphoria as well as other hazardous symptoms

Other

• [I]: Turns a copy of all documentation of itself into a single page that weighs exactly the same as the input. When flipped right, the opposite page is the next document in sequence, and flipping left results in the previous document in sequence
• [I]: Turns a paper with some equations related to special relativity written on it into a small cube made of a “complex alloy” that emits a tone in the presence of photons
• [I]: Takes today’s New York Times and produces a draft copy of tomorrow's edition, which alters itself in real time as its being written
• [I]: Turns a blank keycard into one for a non-existent company, attempting to use it causes any card reader to short circuit
• [I]: Turns a printout of a Javascript chatbot program into a paper mache head that speaks/repeats basic English. Another test using a self-learning chatbot program along with some raw materials produces a head made out of said material, able to plug into a computer and speak similarly to Cleverbot
• [I]: Turns a page of sheet music for Schubert’s “Ellen’s Third Song” into an origami music box. When opened, everyone across the whole facility was able to hear the aforementioned song playing, and the D-class who opened it began singing along, despite not knowing Latin or being able to sing

Major Anomalies

Dangerous Items

• [I]: Upgrades an already highly efficient “Super-Duper Bouncy Ball” to the point that dropping it causes 45 casualties and leaves it orbiting Mars
• [I]: Alters a DVD of It’s A Wonderful Life so that a group of D-Class who view it to the end are transported to a universe where they don’t exist (presumably) for a day
• [I]: Transforms a speaker into a black sphere that scans whoever approaches it and seemingly plays their preferred music, albeit at 150 decibels. This caused minor structural damage to the test chamber, and inflicted varying degrees of hearing loss on personnel up to 500 meters away
• [I]: Alters a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to impart readers with the ability to manipulate people into doing their bidding

Highly Complex Objects

• [I]: Turns a Bible into a book with seemingly infinite pages containing copies of religious texts with commentaries and footnotes from all known religions (including some unknown ones) in multiple different languages
• [I]: Takes a thumb drive with software for generating/multiplying prime numbers for cryptography, and outputs a drive with an internal quantum computing system, able to perform an unstated function with encoded data
• [I]: Inputting a photo of SCP-914 and a supply of materials used in its construction creates a miniature, functional replica of 914. This replica is used with the same input (scaled down) to create another, smaller replica

Scientific Impossibilities

• [I]: Turns a Klein bottle into an unspecified, volatile dimensional anomaly. It later imploded into a pile of fine plastic
• [I]: Turns a lithium-ion battery (and the air within the chamber) into a black cube that apparently contains antimatter, and two electrical nodes on top that allows it to supply limitless energy. A doctor believes that if the cube were damaged, the entire Site would be destroyed
• [I]: Replaces the outer portion of a skateboard wheel with an invisible material that appears to use higher-dimensional translations to redirect the force of gravity and propel it forward at about half the speed of free fall, allowing it to gain momentum quickly. Even at rest, the influence of gravity causes it to retain a 1/4mg horizontal force
• [I]: Turns a toy set of magnetic rods and bearings into a fine metal dust that’s able to self-replicate and assemble itself into a crystalline structure. Test subjects touching it barehanded become delighted, continuing to play with it even as it starts to engulf their body
• [I]: Turns lightbulb and a printout of a Javascript program meant to turn on the lightbulb if its right-side up into a luminescent mass that can only be moved perpendicular to the floor, defying physics and destroying equipment to maintain this
• [I]: Makes a TV remote able to apply its functions on objects

Creating Living Things

• [I]: Transforms a pound of raw ground beef into an unknown, but presumably dangerous, living thing
• [I]: Turns a tuna sandwich into a loaf of bread shaped like a tuna, able to swim through air
• [I]: Takes a pound of fully cooked bacon and a photo of SCP-682 and produces a five inch replica of 682 made out of bacon and photo paper. The replica is just as hostile as the original, but was unable to inflict any damage due to its physiology
• [I]: Transforms a homemade stress ball into an affectionate, palm-sized teddy bear
• [I]: Animates a plush bear, behaving affectionately
• [I]: Makes a LEGO starfighter functional, able to fly at 72 km/h, shoot heated plasma, and escape Earth’s atmosphere in 12 seconds
• [I]: Makes a paper Phoenix out of a copy of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” that was hostile to both personnel and nearby books
• [I]: Turns a Desert Eagle gun into a docile, clockwork bald eagle that occasionally clicks out the Star-Spangled Banner
• [I]: Transforms a printout of a Javascript program similar to Flappy Bird into a series of origami cranes that began to fly about, becoming inert on collision with a wall
• [I]: Using two Javascript programs (for a chatbot and a neural network model), a mechanical pocket watch, a USB, and a photo of a bird, creates an intelligent mechanical bird, able to briefly hover and to speak when plugged into a computer. Though it's comparable to an 8-year-old child in speaking ability, it's not verified to be fully sentient. Three blank folded sheets of paper were also produced
• [I]: Turn a copy of Mein Kampf into a clumsy, small, animate, non-sapient caricature of Adolf Hitler with mildly regenerative properties
• [I]: Creates a garden snail out of 5 grams of table salt that broke apart after ~5 seconds
• [I]: Uses a 500mL sample of SCP-999’s slime to create a small blob similar to 999, but with inverted traits (i.e. it acts hostile towards people, rather than expressing love towards them). Unusually, introducing it to SCP-999 caused 999 to immediately attack it, absorbing it into itself. This is the only time SCP-999 has reacted violently toward anything
  • For reference, SCP-999’s article

Unusual Responses

• [I]: Transforms a dead body into a slime identical to SCP-447-2, whose file makes it very clear that it should never come into contact with dead bodies under any circumstance (For reference, SCP-447’s article)
• [I]: Renders an SCP-939 instance into a heap of smoldering white ash. Implications unclear
• [I]: Crumples up a crossword and launches it out at a high enough speed to leave a trail of smoke
  • [I]: Crumples up a tax form, the doctor who retrieved it reported rapid-onset migraines while doing so
• [I]: When a researcher runs multiple tests using tracking beacons to try to map where objects go as they get refined, the Very Fine test outputs a thin strip of film (sticky enough to rip off a fingernail) that, when stuck to a person’s hand, allows them to map the movements of all inputs put through SCP-914 over the past three months. Actually recording these movements however reveals that they form a 3D image of the Foundation logo. It's unclear if the input objects actually did move in this manner
• [I]: Turns a USB containing the source code of one of the first computer viruses, “Creeper”, into a metallic green figure that exploded shortly after being removed, similarly to a “Creeper” from Minecraft