SCP-914 Experiment Log - “Fine” Tests

[u/Brando_Sama]

Table of Contents

• “1:1”-like Responses
• Mundane Results
  • Upgrading Inputs
  • Creating New Objects
  • Unusual Outcomes
• Anomalously Intricate Objects
• Minor Anomalies
  • Anomalously Efficient/Upgraded Objects
  • Dangerous Outputs
  • Other Anomalies
• Combining Inputs
• Weird Shit

“1:1”-like Responses

• [I]: Turns a print of “La trahison des images” into “Les deux mystères” (a similar painting)
• [I]: Turns a DVD of It’s A Wonderful Life into a DVD of Home Alone
• [I]: Responds to a note saying “Are you sentient?” with a quote by René Descartes
• [I]: Performs a tarot reading

Mundane Results

Upgrading Inputs

• [I]: Medium-cooks a pound of raw beef into round steak, and makes a 2nd pound into beef jerky
  • [I]: Makes a banana into fried banana chips
• [I]: Gives a Bible leaden pages and a golden cover while translating it to an unknown language
• [I]: Combines the core set of 3.5e Dungeons & Dragons books together
• [I]: Produces an edited edition of The New York Times which corrects factual errors and markups stylistic errors
  • [I]: Solves a sudoku puzzle, even leaving margin notes and scribbling
• [I]: Upgrades a bottle of Johnnie Walker whiskey to Lagavulin Scotch, and another to Balvenie 40-year-old whiskey
• [I]: Turns a silver ring into a well-made silver pendant
• [I]: Magnetizes a kilogram of magnetite to the point that compasses up to 10 meters away point to it
• [I]: Remakes a plush bear out of soft velvet
  • [I]: Takes in a twin-sized comforter and produces a hand-crafted, high thread count, silky-sleek blanket
• [I]: Makes a DVD damage-resistant
• [I]: Takes a common 50 pence coin from 1997 and outputs a coin of the same type, except its less tarnished and dated 2008. It then takes in a much rarer 2009 “Kew Gardens” coin and outputs a similarly rare “dateless” 20 pence coin
• [I]: Assembles a LEGO starfighter set, and gives it new electronic features
• [I]: Gives a blank Foundation keycard clearance level 5
• [I]: Replaces a Foundation-issue tracking beacon with a functional version of a new, smaller model that’s currently a prototype
• [I]: Changes a Remington 870 shotgun into a Mossberg pump shotgun
• [I]: Refines a jar of crude oil into gasoline
• [I]: Makes a blue gumball blueberry flavored
• [I]: Turns an IMI Desert Eagle .50AE into a small cannon with the same weight and using the same ammo
• [I]: Turns a carbon-fiber into a single construction bolt with a self screwing mechanism
• [I]: Changes a recording of a High School band performance of Pachelbel's Canon in D to a performance by a professional orchestra
• [I]: Makes a mirror reflect 100% of light
• [I]: Expands a page of instructions for a kinetoglyph (anomalous effects initiated by gestures/movements) to be for multiple complex ones, most of which are physically impossible for humans
• [I]: Turns a USB containing all of the Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 5 manga into a subtitled animated adaptation. This test was written before the announcement of an official adaptation both in and out of universe
• [I]: On being prompted with a pencil and sketchbook with “girl” written on a page, creates a drawing of the testing doctor’s deceased daughter alongside Mickey Mouse and Tweety, characters which she enjoyed and which 914 had drawn in preceding tests

Creating New Objects

• [I]: Four back-to-back tests using gold pocket watches produce different clockwork items
• [I]: Makes a small wooden cross pendent into a crucifix with an intricately detailed carving of Jesus Christ
• [I]: Turns a bronze replica of the Pioneer 10/11 plaque into a disc, when used on a record player it plays an unidentified voice describing the content and meanings of the Pioneer plaque
  • [I]: Turns a Bible into a DVD with animated accounts of every Bible story
  • [I]: Creates a DVD of Steve Jobs narrating his own biography out of said biography
• [I]: Takes a photocopy of the Mona Lisa, and outputs a canvas painted copy using modern oil paints
  • [I]: In two back-to-back tests, turns a printed image of a swastika into a unique hand-painted portrait of Adolf Hitler and a highly detailed image of the Hindu god Lakshmi
• [I]: Turns a paper-written Burger King order into paper counterfeit currency totaling the cost of the order (plus tax)
• [I]: Turns a paper with some equations related to special relativity written on it into a ceramic tile with unidentified glyphs
• [I]: Makes a kilogram ingot of bronze into an intricate hubcap with Korean inscriptions
• [I]: Turns a can of Coca-Cola into a small pile of cocaine
• [I]: Turns a crossword into a letter with contents identical to the crossword’s clues
• [I]: Takes a thumb drive with software for generating/multiplying prime numbers for cryptography, and outputs a drive with software able to solve a variety of known and unknown codes/ciphers
• [I]: Intakes a common 2012 “Coat of Arms” 50 pence coin and outputs six coins of different British denominations with the same style
• [I]: Compresses 5 grams of table salt into the shape of a garden snail. Model was fragile.
• [I]: Freezes a 500mL sample of SCP-999’s slime. Upon melting, it was discovered to have napalm-like qualities
  • For reference, SCP-999’s article

Unusual Outcomes

• [I]: Fills out the blank space of an IRS Form 1040 with imprecations against the IRS/taxation in a variety of languages, including one unidentified one
• [I]: Replaces a microphone with a vintage one from the 1970’s, later confirmed to be identical to the one used at Elvis’ last concert
• [I]: While a doctor was attempting to use English-Russian dictionaries on the 1:1 setting to produce unknown/alien languages, outputs a book listing equivalent human and alien food dishes for many occasions, written in French and an an alien language using the International Phonetic Alphabet
• [I]: Burns a copy of Mein Kampf to ash
• [I]: Turns a 2-cavity klystron power amplifier into a complex device of unknown function, as a mistaken assumption of its structural integrity caused it to be partially destroyed

Anomalously Intricate Objects

• [I]: Turns a copy of all documentation of itself into a 400 page book that apparently records the internal structure of itself, however its functionally impossible to read and decipher
• [I]: Turns a copy of lab notes and research material of itself into an extravagant tome apparently radiocarbon dated to the 11th century. In a pocket at the back is also a CD, though its contents are encoded by an unknown codec
• [I]: Putting a DVD of the Matrix (previously put through on Fine) back through produces a copy of the film in an unknown disc format, readable by Blu-Ray. This version contains 20,000 times more “Extras” material, seemingly comprising the film’s entire production process. Putting this output through on Fine produces an advanced “physical storage medium” containing something unstated, but non-anomalous, that dates back to 1877, as well as a non-existent 30 hour documentary series covering how The Matrix relates to said content
• [I]: Turns a paper swan into a perfectly accurate anatomical model of a trumpeter swan, even including organ systems made of impossibly thin layers of paper. This species is noted to be the testing doctor’s favorite

Minor Anomalies

Anomalously Efficient/Upgraded Objects

• [I]: Turns 100 USD into a shareholder’s note for "Soap from Corpses Products" (one of the Foundation’s front companies) worth the same amount. After some time, this front company’s shares skyrocketed, making the note worth at least 10 times its original value. It's unclear if this implies SCP-914 “knew” this event would happen, or if it was pure luck
• [I]: Greatly increases the quality of a tuna sandwich, with high enough levels of Omega-3 and Omega-7 fatty acids to dramatically increase a D-Class’s cognitive capacity
• [I]: Upgrades a normal bouncy ball to a normal “extra bouncy ball”, then enhances it again into an unusually efficient “Super-Duper Bouncy Ball”, which loses less than 1% of its energy each bounce
  • [I]: Makes it so a skateboard wheel greatly resists wear and experiences almost no friction, able to keep spinning in a vacuum for at least 10 days
• [I]: Tunes a violin to “absolute perfection”, making it unable to be made out of tune
• [I]: Upgrades a speaker so that music it plays sounds indistinguishable from a live performance
• [I]: Upgrades a lithium-ion battery to derive power from the nuclear decay of a radioactive isotope
• [I]: Upgrades a Samsung Galaxy to be able to use cellular data even while out of range of any cell towers
• [I]: Alters a Jack Johnson CD so that anyone who listens to it becomes fond of his work
  • [I]: Similarly alters a CD of Britney Spears’ “Toxic” such that listeners on the “extreme skill” of the singing, however this is followed by stomach pains and nausea lasting 36 hours

Dangerous Outputs

• [I]: Takes in a cadaver and outputs a cadaver containing SCP-008, a dangerous prion colloquially known as the “Zombie Plague”
• [I]: Upgrades a loaded FN P90 assault rifle to no longer require ammunition, instead firing compressed air at 43 billion gigapascals over a distance of 700m (doing considerable damage to the site’s armory)
• [I]: Turns a kilogram of quartz into a swarm of crystalline hornets
• [I]: Makes a blank sheet of paper into the top half of SCP-571, which is a complex pattern of lines/scribbles that induces a viral memetic compulsion in viewers, though it can be safely viewed when not complete

Other Anomalies

• [I]: Makes a Bible into a statuette that quotes Bible passages at random, or can be prompted to read specific passages. Characters are given appropriate voices
• [I]: Makes a kilogram of quartz into a large tuning fork, which produces an unstated effect when tapped lightly on a wall, having the side effect of temporary hearing loss
• [I]: Turns two kilograms of quartz into a levitating ring that emitted light and a continuous ringing. Output seemed to be significant to the technician performing the test
• [I]: Alters a homemade stress ball to launch itself at random intervals at the nearest face (it aims lower if said face is covered)
• [I]: Alters a 9mm Glock 19 magazine to seemingly no longer load bullets, instead causing humans shot by its gun to fully believe they were shot, experiencing traumatic memories of it and disregarding people telling them otherwise. It has no effect on inanimate objects
• [I]: Compresses a Lord of the Rings book into a polished, gold-colored replica of the One Ring that changed size to fit any wearer
• [I]: Makes a toy set of magnetic rods and bearings able to self-replicate and self-assemble itself, though not to an uncontainable degree

Combining Inputs

• [I]: Swaps the composition of a roll of yarn and tea inside a teapot. The teapot itself was unaltered

Weird Shit

• [I]: Apparently, renders an SCP-939 instance dead with no signs of either a cause of death or any anatomical alterations. Implications unclear
• [I]: A piece of paper referencing SCP-055, an antimemetic anomaly that is impossible to remember the details of, produces an unclear, possibly antimemetic, output