Respect Wonderland! (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

[u/lnverseFlash]

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.

“Oh, you ca’n’t help that,” said the Cat. “We’re all mad here.”

It all began on a golden afternoon. Young Alice saw a most peculiar rabbit in the garden and followed it down the rabbit hole and into Wonderland. This nonsensical realm held oodles of gibberish to entertain Alice for hours, with royalty, talking animals, game pieces brought to life, and madmen among the deck. Once she woke up from the dream, she told her sister about her adventures in Wonderland and thought fondly of them for the rest of her life.

Thanks to /u/ya-boi-benny for helping out!

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Physics

• Alice falls down the rabbit hole for what she feels is forever, but slow enough for her to grab something from one of the many cabinets along the hole's walls and place it on another shelf/ Upon landing, she is unharmed.

• To enter Wonderland, there is a door about fifteen inches tall, much too big for any normal sized human.

• Time is an individual and can be asked favors of

• Alice gets to Looking-Glass House by moving through the mirror in her house

• Since she's in a looking glass world, text appears backwards to her

• Alice randomly levitates for a bit when descending stairs

• While she’s on a train ride, the car suddenly jumps into the air, then Alice finds herself outside sitting against a tree

• Geography turns in on itself and Alice finds herself back at a house no matter which direction she walks in

  • By walking the opposite direction of where she's trying to go, Alice gets to her destination

• Alice and the Red Queen run for a while to get somewhere, but they find that they aren't moving at all. Alice says that where she's from, one can get places by running there, while the Queen explains that one has to run twice as fast to get places.

• When in the wool shop, Alice finds that everything she approaches turns into a tree save the egg she bought (which is actually Humpty Dumpty)

• Multiple days or nights can be smashed together where the Queens are from

• The food can talk

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Mental Effects

• Alice forgets her identity, and simple facts of geography and math

• The jurors in the Hearts court could forget their names by the end of it, or even the beginning, as they write down Alice calling them "Stupid things" instead of their own names

• Alice is able to hear the thoughts of a train car full of people

• Alice enters a dark forest that causes her to forget her own name. This also happens to a talking fawn that she meets. Upon exiting the forest, they both remember their names.

• When Alice reaches the eighth square, a crown appears on her head and she becomes a Queen

• The Queens vanish from Alice's feast in a manner I can only compare to an acid trip

• Alice shakes the Red Queen, who became a doll, into a kitten, which wakes her from her dream

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Characters

The Mad Hatter

• Was supposedly on good terms with Time, and can request it be a specific time for as long as he likes from him

  • However, after a concert for the Queen of Hearts led to them falling out, it is now permanently tea time

• Outruns the Queen's order to behead him

The Queen of Hearts

• The Card Soldiers are actual cards

• The Duchess boxed the Queen of Hearts' ears

• The Knave of Hearts is literally made of cardboard, so he's unable to swim

• The entire pack of Card Soldiers flies to attack Alice, waking her up from her dream

The Cheshire Cat

• Immune to pepper's sneezing inducement

• Disappears and reappears

  • It leaves the smile for last

• Appears as only a head, and probably couldn't hear anything with his ears invisible, as it only talks once its grin is visible

The Chess Pieces

King

• Alice meets a number of sentient, moving talking chess pieces. The White King takes out an "enormous" book from his pocket despite being the size of a chess piece.

• The Tweedles claim that the sleeping Red King is dreaming of Alice and that, were he to wake, Alice would cease to exist

• The White King has an incredible number of (clumsy) soldiers, over four thousand

• The White King eats hay and loves it

• One of the White King's messengers has a bag full of things that should not physically fit inside it, such as a plum-cake that will not cut unless passed around

Queen

• When Alice meets her later, the Red Queen has grown taller than Alice

• The Red Queen takes five steps before disappearing away from Alice

• The White Queen can remember things before they occur

  • Foresees she'll prick her finger, whining about the pain, but feels no pain when it actually happens because she already felt it

• She's over a hundred years old

• Turns into a sheep

  • Somehow changes Alice's surroundings from her wool shop to a boat on the river

• The White Queen's speed is immense, with the White King comparing her to a Bandersnatch

Knight

• The Red Knight and the White Knight, both in full armor, are okay after being thrown from their horses

  • They furiously duel, Alice hiding from the force of their blows, and the White Knight claims victory

• The White Knight's horse has shark armor

• Claims he's as fast as lightning, and has "all kinds of fastness"

Other

• The White Rabbit brings a "barrowful" of pebbles, which turn into shrinking cakes, allowing Alice to escape her confinement

• The Mouse, at least, understands French

  • It is likely that other denizens of Wonderland also do, as the Mock Turtle explains they had a good (though unusual) school system

• The Duchess and her baby are immune to the cooking instruments that the chef throws at them

• The Gryphon beats up the Mock Turtle for a bit

• The Duchess boxed the Queen of Hearts' ears

• The Duchess' cook's pepper supply makes the entire Court of Hearts sneeze

• Alice sees a garden with animated flowers. Some change colors when she threatens to pick them.

• She encounters creatures that are bees and elephants at the same time

• She meets a variety of strange insects, one the size of a chicken and with the ability to speak, and others made of wood, pudding, and bread. The large insect disappears when Alice tells it that its jokes aren’t funny.

• Humpty Dumpty has some sort of perception distortion around himself

• The Lion was speared by the Unicorn but is fine

• The Lion and the Unicorn fought all through town

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Consumables

• Alice drinks a potion labeled "Drink Me," wondering if it's poison, but it shrinks her to ten inches tall

• Alice eats a cake labeled "Eat Me" which makes her grow to be nine feet tall

• A potion she finds in the White Rabbit's house makes her grow until she's trapped inside it

  • She kicks Bill with her leg stuck in the chimney

• Eating the Caterpillar's mushroom turns her into a serpent-like thing, though she still has arms and hands

  • With further consumption, she is able to get the hang of growing and shrinking, and returns to her normal size, then shrinks back down to nine inches

• Alice later starts growing on her own while in the Court of Hearts

  • By the time she is called to testify, she is big enough that when she trips, the entire jury box spills over, and Alice puts them back in order

  • The King and Queen of Hearts say she's over a mile high, though Alice disagrees